I just got back from vacation in California, and it was pretty perfect. I was able to forget about all of the everyday BS that happens when time goes on, burying certain perspectives and people, layer after layer, when all of a sudden those relationships, people, and personalites are no more. I actually got to recover a friendship while in California with my old friend and began a new one with his. Great times ensued. But you know what happens when old relationships [read: friendships] rise from the crypts? New questions and concerns about current relationships come to the surface, as well.
I wish I was lying on the beach right now, dealing with the petty misunderstandings of those who don't grasp the solidity of a mutual friendship, rather than in my own home. The crashing waves would just ease the...I don't want to say pain, because I'm not hurt, but more....the burden of having to deal with dramatic nonsense. I'm not even talking about a man getting jealous of my friendship with another man. I'm talking about a male, in his early twenties who could be classified legally as a "man," but really, I'm not so sure. His sort of mentality can't accept the fact that his [very new] girlfriend has a tight friendship with another girl. And I'm genuinely confused as to whether or not this behavior is normal.
My experience with "friends" has been very colorful, and I'm grateful to have that experience under my belt so I know what to look [out] for in a friendship. But, sadly, I don't really know if this experience counts for anything--because apparently, in my own mind, things could be going seamlessly. In my mind, I'm doing so well, I should be on the A-team of Making Friends. Others, however, could perceive me as offensive, cold, bitchy, unfriendly. I actually thought to myself one night, "Man, I really know how to make friends. This school year, living at home, working locally--this could actually work out for me." And then I get smacked with a text saying, "X is really pissed off, what did YOU say??"
What did I say? What does that even mean? Does something about me come off as, "Hey, mister man, I really would like to offend you right now. Please, be nice to me so I can come back with something rude, cold-shouldered, and distasteful!" The thing is, I didn't say anything. This particular situation I'm talking about had nothing to do with me, while at the same time (in his opinion) it has everything to do with me. I'm being patronized for words that never came out of my mouth, for a perspective that never found validity in reality. How does one deal with another's warped misunderstanding about me (or you?).
I'm a pretty awesome person, and I'm not saying that to be conceited. I genuinely care about others, I go out of my way to make my friends feel good, I'm loyal as anyone could be. I'm supportive. I listen. I contribute comforting advice for those who need it. I'm basically a cool MFer.
And when someone develops a dirty filter about me, I get upset about it because they believe in a lie. Maybe I shouldn't care. Actually, my concern with this is dwindling quickly after having written about it. But my confusion about such matters will never fade.
Anyone know what I'm talking about? Anyone else been thrown in a hole of misunderstandings and misperceptions? I'd love to hear about it, and I would love even more to know that I'm not alone.
First post in a while...forgive me.
Shan.
